While in the Philippines when I was in 6th grade, we stayed at my Dad's sister's house in Cavite. They run a shop outside the front, selling random things from batteries to sodas (kind of like a mini 7-11 if you will). While having dinner, their worker girl whatever (indentured servant is not the correct term because indentured servants is what rich people have; this girl works at the store to earn money for her family) came and handed us sodas from their refrigerator in the shop. My mom said to pay for them, but the girl said no it's on the house. My mom was upset for all of us accepting the free sodas, saying it's a "shame".
It's her sense of modesty and humility which I have inherited from her.
Ben moved out of the condo last Saturday. He got a big U-Haul, recruited his parents and two brothers, and in half a day they hauled away almost everything. In the past few days, he has been picking up random things he's left behind. It's nothing huge, just a bag of clothes, some board games, whatever. He's in total cruise control at this point.
I started my moveout last Friday, and have been pecking away at it for the past 8 days. For 4 of those days, I've been borrowing my dad's truck and shipping stuff to either Dre's living room, or to my parent's garage. I've been putting stuff in boxes, putting those boxes in the truck, driving them over, then driving back. I do a little a time after work each day.
Sure we have the same amount of "stuff", but Ben went all in on one day and did it with help. I decided to do everything myself and take multiple days.
I'm not comfortable asking for help. I wouldn't call it a "shame". I just don't like the idea of owing people things. Sure, people offer help all the time. But then I feel bad for being a burden.
You're reading this and you're probably thinking "who says it's a burden? we're your friends, we want to help". Or you could be thinking "do you consider us a burden when we ask you for help?"
A conversation with Lan revealed that I value selflessness in myself, but not in others. Selfish selflessness. As in, I always welcome when people ask me to help them, but I rarely ask others for help. There's no real good way to justify why I'm like that; I just am. So no, I don't see others being a burden when they ask for help. And yes, I do always try to do things myself as to not inconvenience others.
However, I am proud of the work I've been getting done this past week. Friday night, instead of going out and partying with my friends -_- I was hauling things around my parent's garage. I had no choice but to put most of my back into it because of the cramped spaces I was putting things into. I was completely sore when I got back to the condo, so I just showered and played around all night. It felt good though, like I had a serious workout, and I had put in a hard days work.
Saturday, it was very quiet and slow. I calmly packed things into the truck, drove them to my parent's house, hung out with my cousin Sharon as she told me about her housing search, and I drove back to the condo.
The thing is, now it's very quiet, everyone is out for Saturday night, and I'm bored out of my mind. I decided to spackle the holes in the walls, and to re-caulk the loose shower knobs in my bathroom. I know that our landlord Nancy won't ever know the amount of detail I am putting into improving the condo, knowing full well that it's rare for tenants to actually give a damn, and everyone else usually leaves it half assed. Not me. I love blue collar housework.
When I move into my house, I am going to do most of the repairs myself, because that's what a real man does.
And when I fall off the ladder, then I'll think about asking someone for help driving me to Kaiser.
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