What a girl wants

I can't sleep, so I'm going to write myself into sleeping.

If there's one thing I have learned being with Trang, it's that when women want a man, they don't want physical strength, they want mental strength. It's the maturity that they crave.

There are times when she points out to me things that are supposed to be common sense, yet it's impossible to learn until you go through it once. You can be told the right way to act or the right way to do something, but it's the hands on experience which get you there.

The majority of my friends are all younger than me, and it's a role that I embrace. I like being an older leader, and putting the responsibility upon me to be a "guide" so to speak. Yet every day, I learn from either Trang, or someone else, what it takes to be mentally mature and strong. And like I said, the best way to do those things is to do those things the wrong way first, so you know exactly what not to do.

I'm not referring to specific examples, I'm just thinking right now what I'm about to embark upon in the next few weeks. I'm about to buy a house. Seriously, a house. We're talking about a home. I'm looking at my room which is getting emptier and emptier by the day, and I'm amazed as to what I'm about to get into.

I'm not supposed to be scared of this. It's supposed to be exciting. A younger, non mature man, would be afraid to take on the responsibility, the commitment, the role of being a homeowner. And I sit here dumbfounded, because the day is getting closer and closer and I can't believe I'm about to do this.

I have a problem of pessimistic foreshadowing. One of my immature flaws is that if I desire something so much and want it so bad, I eventually lose it, and it comes crashing down, and I sit there holding the pieces and wonder what I did wrong. Hell, take into account any of my exes. Not one of them complained that I didn't love them enough. They all said that I am a very loving person and have a great heart. But it's just that overbearing amount of love which made them nervous that they couldn't return it. No, really, all of them had said the same thing to me, in a different way.

But how do you live life not loving something as much as you can? Are you not supposed to go 100% all-out? I thought life was about embracing your experience, grasping the present, and making the most out of it.

My house is 17 days away and I'm sitting here wondering if I'm going to jinx myself and fall in love with the idea of having a house. Will escrow fail? Will the gift letter check get caught by the underwriter (I'll explain what that means in a future blog)? Will the short sale bank reject the request for repair form?

Trang reassured me that I don't need to be afraid of these things. Just know that I'm buying a house, something that hardly anyone has ever done, at my age, at this point of my life.

It's just an example of someone younger than me, pointing out how to be mentally mature.

If embracing the present is the first way of life, learning from your peers is the second.